The Balance of Motherhood & your Ministry Calling

This is a tough subject. I just want to say at the beginning that I don’t pretend to have everything about this figured out. I don’t think anyone does but I am learning a lot along the way. Whether you are a working mom or you stay at home… they are different kinds of hard but you are amazing. I never want anything I say to add to any guilt or shame you may feel already. I want to help you release guilt and shame. So take a deep breath… if you haven’t heard this said to you today, “I am proud of you and you are a great Mom.” If you are a new mom or you have a newborn maybe now is not the time to read this. Every Mom with a newborn knows, you need to just focus on your baby and sleep when you can! I will do a blog post soon about being a new Mom! It is hard! You don’t need balance… you just need sleep. You are loved. Let’s dive in.

Shortly after I had my second daughter, I was so happy she was here, but I was also struggling. Isn’t it amazing how you can be two things at one time? I was thinking, “How am I going to balance a 20-month-old, a newborn, and all the things I feel God has called me to accomplish?” I had guilt about things that hadn’t even happened based on conversations with my friends who were stay at home Moms. I remember one of my friends saying, “If you feel guilty then maybe that’s a sign you should stay home with your kids.” Staying home would not take away personal guilt but add to it in a different way. It can be a vicious cycle that is hard to see a way through. In the midst of having all these thoughts, I was at a conference and I was talking to a random lady who isn’t random anymore in my life. She said, “I feel like God wants me to tell you that your children don’t diminish your ministry calling, they will enhance it.” I started crying because we weren’t even talking about my kids, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. I decided right then to shift my thinking about how in the world I was going to balance being a great Mom and do what I believe God put me on the earth for because He put me on the earth to do both. I want to say to you what she said to me… Your kids won’t diminish your ministry calling… they will enhance it!

Balance... many say it’s a myth. I am not sure it’s a myth as much as it just seems impossible. I have learned, life is not about balance as much as it is rhythm. You can choose to be in rhythm and keep a smooth, peaceful, and happy beat. Or, you can choose a rhythm that is off beat, loud, chaotic, and one you can’t keep time with. We don’t think we have a choice, but we really do. This is YOUR life and no one else’s. Your life is meant to be lived by design but so much happens by default. Living by default just means that you do just what comes natural and feels right to you. Living by design means living intentionally with God’s way at the forefront. You get to choose the kind of woman you want to be and the kind of life you want to have. I didn’t say “the kind of Mom” because you are not just a Mom. Remember that! I love being a Mommy and it is one of my favorite titles, but I am a woman of God before I am a Mom. I have my own anointing, calling, and destiny aside from my children. Although they are a big part of it. I refuse to feel bad about my dreams and goals that aren’t directly about them. I refuse to not accomplish what God has called me to do “because of them”. They don’t control my life or make decisions for me. Every decision is with them in mind, everything I do affects them, but I believe it does for the better. My rhythm in life is something I try to live by God’s design and not by the demands of life or needs of others. My kids go with me and Clay as we build the kingdom together and we model together how to be a kingdom builder.

"Your rhythm of life is your way of life. Create a better rhythm and you create a better life." - Leadershipology 

The calling on your life and motherhood are meant to work together in a beautiful rhythm. They are meant to be integrated and be harmonious. You are the one who chooses to make it whatever way it is. Stop feeling guilty for having dreams outside of motherhood. Show your kids that they have a freaking boss Mama. You can love them, be present when with them, be an exceptional Mom but also work hard, accomplish your dreams, and believe in yourself. Your kids seeing you believe in YOU will teach them to believe in themselves. Children don’t just need your parenting… they need your leadership.

I believe if we are intentional with our time with our kids then it doesn’t matter if we are home all day. If you are fulfilled staying home and that makes you feel present... AMAZING! If you are fulfilled working or pursuing a dream... do it!! If I was home all I day with my kids I may feel frustrated and like I’m missing something which would make me unable to fully be present for them. Going to work and pursuing my passions actually makes me more present with them because I am fulfilled. God made you to be exactly who you are and gave you the passions you have. Some days I feel overwhelmed. Some days I feel like I '“should” have been a better Mom. Some days I feel out of rhythm, but I change my “I should” to “I wish I would have” which helps me know how to shape tomorrow instead of feeling guilty. Don’t focus on balance but integration, rhythm, and living by design instead of default. It is important to understand that you are the architect of your home and you don’t need to look at other people’s lives and compare. This is your family and what you build is going to be special and unique. 

Practical ways I live by design:

-       When I am home… I am home. I am intentional to be present with them. Just because you are home doesn’t mean your kids feel like you want to be. 

 -       I make family dinner 3 times a week where we all sit together at the table. 

 -       At the end of everyday (normally at dinner) instead of just asking “How was your day?” We ask 3 questions that everyone answers:

1. What was your favorite part of today? 

2. Did anything make you sad or cry today? 

3. What made you smile or laugh today?

 -       I include my kids and explain to them how God is using us together. For example, we had someone over to our house that was struggling. When they left Layla asked why they came over. I told her that they needed extra love and she helped us to show this person the love of Jesus. 

 -       I let Clay help me and we lead our family together. My last blog may help you if you have a hard time letting other people help you: https://www.momwinmoments.com/moments/thepressuretoprove

 -       I am aware of putting my phone away when I am with my kids. 

 -       I plan my tomorrow the night before and make a gratitude list every day. 

-       I recognize my season when it is more tough than others and release myself from guilt because I stay focused on my core values and live by them.

Find what helps you to be in rhythm and live by design. I hope something I said resonated with you and YOU ARE INCREDIBLE.

 You got this Mama! 

Whitney Jones