My Son’s Birthday
I couldn’t let today pass without honoring my sons. When I woke up the first thing I said to Clay was, “Today Leo would be turning one.” and then I cried. I cried partly because of sadness because I never got to hold or meet him. I also cried because I am grateful. I am grateful for the time I got it carry him. I’m grateful to know who’s arms were the first to hold Him are arms I trust more than my own. I’m grateful to know that one day I will get to hold him in mine.
I am a month away from the day our twin boys would have been born as well. My heart hurts but I know having carried 5 souls has purpose. My two girls I am so honored and blessed to raise. My three boys, I am trusting that Jesus knows why and that His plan is better. Two pregnancies cut short but I know God uses everything and I want Him to. If pain isn’t to be used for His glory then what’s the point? I need it to have meaning.
Through two pregnancies lost... two passions have been birthed. One is Mom Win Moments and the other is Jonesy Home. The loss has freed me in a new way and empowered me. Not only to seize life but the deep hurt has exposed emotion I didn’t know existed. I love God, my husband, and my kids deeper than I ever knew I could. I am operating in passions I didn’t know existed. I also still have hope. This story and my family isn’t finished yet. No matter what happens next... (which I am believing will be God redeeming it all) I know He will be with me. I know He will use it for His glory and my good. I also know He has plans to bless me and my family in ways I could never dream. My responsibility is to be faithful to Him and to trust Him. I can say with my whole heart that I do. I want Him to keep using my story because no matter what happens in it, my life will honor Him.
If you have experienced loss or pain my biggest encouragement would be to let God use your pain. Let Him use your story. You don’t have to start a blog or talk on a stage. Share it with a friend or someone you meet that is struggling. Be honest about how much it hurts but also how much you trust God with your pain. He knows suffering and pain better than any of us. When He was about to go to the cross He prayed,
“My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” - Matthew 26:39
He didn’t want to experience pain just like we don’t want to but He trusted God. We know what happened because of that ultimate sacrifice. You can trust Him with your pain. He wants to give your pain purpose and meaning. Let Him.
Today the writing of this is to honor my sons lives. All three of them.
Leo Clay
Liam Taylor
Lyle Allen
Your Mommy loves you forever,
Whitney Craft Jones
